Opposites attract? Personality for couples

You fell in love.  But you are low-key and she’s the life of the party.  You like a quiet night at home with just the two of you, but he wants to get together with friends and family most all the time. Or, you are organized but she doesn’t mind leaving things cluttered.  When it comes to money, maybe you’re a saver and he’s a spender.  

These and many other differences can cause big challenges in relationships. Does falling in love blind us to differences?  Or do differences actively attract us because we need the balance that the other person brings?  A more quiet person can help ground you, while a sociable person can help you enjoy invitations you might decline completely if left on your own. 

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4 Myths about Premarital Counseling

“Most couples spend more time and money on their wedding that lasts one day than on their relationship, which is intended to last a lifetime.”  So says marriage and family therapist Dr. David Olson.

Premarital counseling can be the best thing (and often the only thing!) engaged couples do to focus on their relationship.  Here are some myths and facts about premarital counseling.

Myth #1: Premarital counseling is boring and impersonal. 

FACT: Today’s premarital sessions are personalized and engaging. 

Far from dishing out the same old basic information, today’s sessions focus more personally on each couple. Your unique strengths and concerns, what you enjoy most about each other, your hopes & goals.      Sessions today can even start you off with a couple’s inventory that helps you identify strengths & expectations. It gets you both talking right away about what matters most to you.

Myth #2: Premarital sessions won’t make any difference.

FACT:  A little effort now ensures that your dreams for a great life together are realized.

Put your optimism and positive energy to work for you now, and you’ll be ready to face future challenges.  Life today requires couples to have strong communication, shared goals, and the ability to address concerns openly and fairly.

Outcome studies on premarital programs demonstrate their value in improving relationship skills and preventing divorce. “Except for marriage, in no other important area of life do we assume that you can be successful without having any training,” says Olson. Build on your strengths and get your marriage off to a strong start. 

Myth #3: I was married before, so I don’t need premarital counseling. 

FACT: Premarital sessions customized for second marriages are more beneficial than ever. 

Your current concerns may be radically different from those of couples marrying for the first time.  Remarried couples often must blend households, help families transition, and handle more complicated finances.   Some remarrying couples avoid premarital sessions because they already had them.  Or, they figure that they already know what to expect. 

Three-fourths of divorced individuals remarry.  Because of today’s more individualized premarital sessions, remarrying couples reap generous benefits on their investment. 

Myth #4: Premarital sessions have to be done by the church minister.

FACT: Many ministers who are asked to perform weddings don’t necessarily feel adequately prepared to counsel couples. 

Some clergy prefer to delegate premarital sessions to facilitators who work with couples more regularly, and with whom the wedding minister can easily consult as needed.  Still other couples choose to work with licensed therapists for their sessions.  

Whatever you decide, make the most of your premarital sessions to enjoy a meaningful, happy and harmonious marriage.  

—— Ami Hudson, M.Div. facilitates Premarital Sessions at Halifax, VA with her husband Brandon.  The website is http://amihudson.com/couples

The above was published in the bridal sections of the South Boston VA News & Record, South Boston Gazette-Virginian, and Mecklenburg Sun in January 2009.